
Anyway, the cause of this problem is the combination of (1) a system which allows metanotification to exist, but (2) doesn't cue users to consciously consider it. Change either of these, and a lot of bad blood could be avoided! Some examples:
1) Remove the metanotification: Imagine a plugin for your email client which caused all the recipients' email addresses to be placed in the "To:" line, rearranged into alphabetical order, and the "To:" tag itself changed to "To (in alphabetical order):" No question about why you're first or last anymore!
2) Cue users to consider metanotification: A little more annoying, but this could take the form fof a pop-up warning in between hitting Send and actually sending, where the sender is instructed to consciously and properly adjust the order and To/Cc locations of all the addresses. These kinds of warnings never work, of course - they're ignored and become useless annoyances, but that's another post for another time!
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